2-12-2005 Pre-Blog Journal Entry

Woke up today feeling as if “I was not all here”. I had to talk myself through everything. “Okay, I am awake. What time is it? Do I hear anyone else moving about? Am I still sleepy? I think I should get up. Ouch! There is a terrible pain in my foot. Why? Oh, that is right, I forgot to stretch my foot before stepping on it. Stretch…. Now step. Where is my cane? Where did I leave it THIS time.”

The day continued. Sitting at the table having coffee listening to the conversation, trying to contribute when I could, but I kept getting lost. Their words jumbled and I had to keep asking them to explain or repeat what they had said. When I did contribute my oldest daughter would smile that smile that meant she was being patient with me. She responded to what I had said, but I knew it had nothing to do with what they had been talking about. It was easier to just keep quiet and listen while trying to grasp bits of the content here and there.

I am very lucky. My family tries to be patient with me. My older daughter carefully explains things to me over and over acting as though it is the first time I had asked the question. My hubby teases me sweetly. When he stops teasing me I will know I have gone over the deep end. My youngest just knows this is the way Mom is. She has never known me any other way. Boy these words are hard to say.

Pain:

• Foot – Icing it several times a day, which helps a little. Walking with a cane. Level 6 - 8.
• TN – Lots of spasming under the eye. Level 3-5.
• Shoulder – Mainly stiffness. Increases when I reach for things. Level 2-3.

Cognitive: Cannot understand words much less follow conversations. Level 8.5

When I go into the kitchen to prepare a very early dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches. I stand in the middle of the room thinking, “Why I am there. Ah yes, dinner.” I begin to talk myself through it.

My family is used to my talking myself through things and has come to ignore this part of my personality. I find verbalizing what I am doing helps to keep me on track and focused. Also, when I hear myself asking questions and answering them it is easier to do the task.

After dinner, my hubby and kids suggest a nap. I know it is because of my comprehension difficulties. I reluctantly toddle off to bed. Maybe a nap would clear my head. I sleep much longer than I wanted to but awake refreshed with verbal skills much improved over this morning’s.